There are two parts inside me. A good girl who needs so much love and who has learned to get love by pleasing and appeasing and making other people feel good. And a badass who wants to run wild and free and be uninhibited in her expression and be loved for it. They do not always get along. Their strategies for meeting their needs are often in conflict.
The thing is, the two of them got to work it out. Neither one is going anywhere. And while I might have a lot more love for the badass inside me and all her saucy ways, the good girl needs my love just as much, if not more, if she is going to move forward and find her way home.
So here is to love. To the two of them working it out. To the asymmetrical, spiral, evolving dance of myself. And to all you beauties out there who might be able to relate.
NOTES: I bought a new microphone and I’m still figuring it out. You’d think it would be straight forward. It plugs into a phone. But no. There are settings. And strange whale noises. It will get better.
I am on Maui. With all the supped up intentions to work on my writing and burning through all the preliminary bullshit of tossing and turning and struggling and fighting against lord knows what hoping that it resolves into a serene and endless flow of ink on paper. Until it does, if my commitment is to share the truth, then here it is: a moving picture, a flash of process.
Seeking inspiration I went to one of Maui’s Malls to see Moana in 3D. That is where the strange dark, fluorescent-lit footage is from. Illuminating the absurdity of tropical Christmas in a temple of consumerism. The movie was awesome. Followed the Heroine’s Journey to a T and showcased a girl who was more driven by significance and contribution than love and fear. It a good timing for me to see.
I really went back and forth with myself about weather to post this video because it features other people’s faces so prominently. People who I did not ask permission from. People who did not know I was filming. This is tricky moral territory. There is a long lineage of street photography. There are serious privacy issues. Maybe privacy is an outdated notion. Maybe now it is more important to protect people’s identity than ever.
Because I do not know, and because my intentions are merely to share images from my day with the thoughts and feelings I am having, I am choosing to go public. May this be part of a conversation that enriches us all. And if, for whatever slip of fate, you find your face in this video and do not want it there, let me know and I’ll edit you out.
Much aloha. Keep making art. Be a lover of the truth.