Sometimes this is how I make videos. In impulsive bursts and compulsive constellations. I am working through something. These videos are a diary for me. And it is not until I upload them, until I publish them publicly, that I gain that blessed bit of distance that helps me see what I was working through to begin with.
The thread I was needling with this batch of videos was an unexpected one. Alone on Maui for longer than anticipated, I feel into a kind of depression. A sorrow that centered around loneliness. And what came out of it, the idea that saved me from drowning, was simply that it is okay to want to not be alone. That it is okay to want to be with someone special. To want friends and vibrant family. That it is ok to want to be loved spectacularly. Essentially: that it is okay to want.
The benefit of these videos, these emotional textures preserved in the topography of time, is that I can feel the cascade of tones I went through. This first videos where I am so consumed by sadness and desire denied. The middle, where I recognize my own judgements and take a stand for self-acceptance, but still with so much fear about the emotional consequences. And then this last video, where I have allowed myself my dream and joy flows forth.
CHECK OUT THE PROGRESSION:
Video One Where I AM FREAKING OUT AND WAY AGAINST MYSELF
Video Three Where I FULL ON DESIDE TO BE ON THE SIDE OF MY DESIRES
Video Four Where OPENING TO MY DESIRE BRINGS ME NEW JOY AND ZEST FOR LIFE
