Relationship First Aid

Someone asked me the other day why I am a couples counselor. They were sharing how hard couples counseling had been for them and couldn’t see why I would want to be a part of that. To be fair, couples counseling is not easy. For individual therapy, the entire point is that you are working with a professional who is not connected to other areas of your life. This is regarded as one of the primary benefits of therapy. You can let it all hang out, really go there, explore feelings and experiences that are normally personally and socially policed. 

Couples counseling is an entirely different animal. In this scenario, you are there with the person who you probably care most about in the world, who you are MOST invested in. Relationships are characterized by edge systems. They have fluctuations, but seek to maintain homeostasis. To do this, we often create “undiscussables” and “un-allowed” ways of being. 

This is part of why working in relationships provide so much material for growth and learning. We have to figure out what we are feeling and find skillful ways of communicating. We have the chance to get deeper with what is really goibng on and – yes, you guessed it – make reality more real. 

In essence, I am a couples counselor because I made so many painful relationship choices. The curriculum was forced upon me. It was either learn or die. And so I learned all I could. And so I keep learning. And the benefit is to be able to share that learning with all of you. 

I am launching a series called Relationship First Aid. It is an attempt to take some of the more in-depth Process-Oriented Psychology tools and show how they can be applied in practice. My hope is that, the same way you would apply a bandaid, you can apply these Processwork tools. Hoe they are supportive on your journey!

Sending so much love. Enjoy, xx

*** phot credit: the incomparable Nan Goldin